Thinking about the future is absolutely bloody terrifying. It falls into that 'fear of the unknown' category that has me scared of the sea (who knows what nasty creatures are swimming beneath you) and the dark (because if you run up the stairs as soon as you turn the lights off there's no way any monsters/intruders can get you). It's something that we can't control, and that makes it pretty horrifying tbh.
I feel as though there's a massive pressure in your early 20s to have everything figured out. Your life plan is meant to be in order, your savings are meant to be in existence (lol) and you're supposed to be having the best time of your life whilst being on top of this whole adulting thing and knowing exactly what you're doing. In reality, you still half consider yourself a student, renting is absolutely the only way forward for the foreseeable future and most of the time you're half buried in dirty washing.
At the moment everything seems a bit scary. We're moving house and inevitably have had to tell everyone that asks that 'we're only renting still' because like hell do we have savings for a house deposit. But it's forced us to think about when we would be able to buy a house, and how that solidifies our relationship basically for ever and how we're going to even get the savings to do that.
I've got a little 'savings' jar in my bullet journal, and at the moment it's empty because I still owe people money, and I don't even know when it's ever going to start filling up. I live paycheck to paycheck, and whilst I'm happy with this because I'm paying off money I owe and I'm learning to drive, I also have nothing there in case anything bad happens.
I'm scared of failing my driving test and scared of passing it because I'll have to go out in the world as a fully fledged driver. I'm scared because I'll have to find the money to get insured on my boyfriend's car and I'm scared I'll forget everything in the meantime. I'm scared about my first time on a motorway and my first time in a multi-storey car park.
I'm scared about the prospect of having children, or not having children. I'm scared about the idea of pregnancy, and what it would mean to raise children in our modern world.
I'm scared about global warming, and all the different ways we're ruining our planet. I'm scared that people won't see that we're doing things wrong until it's too late.
I'm scared that I'll never be truly financially stable. I'm scared that I'll never be that person with an amazing job, their own house and a full savings jar in their bullet journal.
I'm scared of getting older, and the loss that comes with it. I'm scared of losing friends and family and pets, and not knowing when the last time I see them might be.
I'm scared that I'll never be truly 'well' and at peace with myself. That I'll be on antidepressants forever and my mental health issues will rear up time and time again.
What I'm mostly trying to say with this post is that it's okay to be scared, and have no clue what's going to happen in your future. It's okay to embrace the fear and accept it, and then move forward knowing that the fears are there, but it's okay, the universe, or God, or fate or whatever you believe in (even if it's just yourself) has got your back.